April 2012
39 posts
Jesus Freaks
The phrase “Jesus freaks” gives me a mental image of Jesus freak dancing with the Apostles. And that reminds me of the time my college roommate started freaking the hippie-looking drummer in a conga line, who he thought was a girl but was really a scrawny guy. (He looked just like the singer from the Spin Doctors). And that reminds me of the terrified look on the drummer’s...
Apr 30th
6 notes
2 tags
Thanks.
buck4itt: To Ch8rming. Great guy and a great time. Thanks for showing me your town! Thanks for hanging out! I had a great time too. I’m glad you found Kerbey Lane on your own. I totally would have recommended it. There’s one a few blocks from the Draught House that I like to visit after a night of drinking.
Apr 27th
20 notes
“My favorite things in life don’t cost any money. It’s really clear...”
– Steve Jobs
Apr 25th
11 notes
I have that Katie Perry “Last Friday Night (TGIF)” song stuck in my head. At least it’s better than Rebecca Black.
Apr 25th
6 notes
2 tags
Apr 24th
39 notes
1 tag
I don't care what my obituary says
My real cause of death will be resentment. It’s so unhealthy and so hard to shake.
Apr 24th
24 notes
1 tag
Apr 23rd
13 notes
1 tag
Apr 23rd
6 notes
2 tags
Apr 23rd
6 notes
2 tags
Apr 23rd
28 notes
2 tags
Apr 21st
17 notes
Whenever my phone vibrates unexpectedly
I imagine the people who live in my phone are kicking the shit out of each other, or fucking, or dancing, or stumbling, or all of the above. You seem to be kicking the shit out of each other more frequently at the moment. I hope it returns to more fucking and dancing soon.
Apr 20th
13 notes
1 tag
Apr 18th
13 notes
Where have all the cowgirls gone?
Apr 18th
3 notes
1 tag
Somewhere
There’s a moderately successful, mildly good-looking actor in his seventies who has to beat women off with a stick. Because he’s now recognized as the Most Interesting Man in the World.
Apr 18th
13 notes
The DJ on the radio just promised to play brand new Linkin Park right after The Offspring. In case you were wondering which millennium this is. I know I am.
Apr 18th
9 notes
3 tags
What did people do before Advil?
Seriously? Only two pills to fix a headache that would otherwise last all day. I can’t imagine living with headaches like that.
Apr 15th
13 notes
Apr 13th
120,256 notes
Apr 13th
8 notes
2 tags
Apr 12th
7 notes
Flavored Medicines
For $2 you can get the pharmacy to add artificial flavor to most liquid medicines. The available flavors are what you would expect: cherry, apple, grape, bubble gum, etc. I think we are all familiar with these flavors, and the fact that they don’t taste anything like the fruit. Grape soda does not taste like grapes, yet we can all recognize the flavor as “grape.” My point...
Apr 12th
11 notes
People who walk without moving their hips look...
Not just women, but guys too. I just watched this man cross the parking lot without moving his hips. His chest and torso swayed as he walked, but his hips did not. He looked like Popeye; like a caricature. So awkward.
Apr 12th
9 notes
3 tags
Apr 9th
11 notes
1 tag
Apr 8th
4 notes
1 tag
Apr 8th
4 notes
Apr 8th
20 notes
2 tags
Observations of a Five-Year Old
Daughter: I believe in the Easter Bunny. Because if you don't believe in him, then he doesn't bring you any candy.
Me: That's right. Because why would he give candy to people that don't believe in him?
Daughter: And if people don't believe in the Easter Bunny, they will nail him to a cross and kill him.
Me: ...
Apr 8th
17 notes
2 tags
Sweet Potater Tots at Sonic
Why didn’t anyone tell me about these? No matter, I discovered them last night. They are more like beignets than tater tots; sweet, unsalted, crunchy on the outside and soft on the inside. You could eat them for dessert. I added salt on mine, but you could just as easily add sugar, or cinnamon sugar, and maybe a little cayenne.
Apr 7th
9 notes
Thanks To NDAA (And Other Laws), You May Now Be A... →
socialuprooting: I know I left a few rights around here, somewhere. Can you check under the couch for me? Americans have lost a lot of their basic civil rights over the past four months. A lot. And the establishment media is failing to tell us what’s going on. The National Defense Authorization Act for Fiscal Year 2012, or NDAA, signed into law by Hope/Change enthusiast Barack Obama on...
Apr 6th
211 notes
2 tags
Apr 6th
16 notes
1 tag
Real Talk Job Description
highbob: Middle School Teacher: Brain washer/dryer Ego builder/crusher Dad/Who’s yo Daddy? #RealTalkJobDescriptions #Meme, anyone? Enterprise Architect: Student of potentially useful technology/Teacher of really useful technology Guide the work of hundreds of programmers/Manage exactly zero programmers Language interpreter and marriage counselor between technical and non-technical...
Apr 5th
7 notes
3 tags
Sick Day
I’m not sick, but my son had the early stages of pneumonia. Which means I get to stay home from work and watch the opening day game with him. This is his first baseball game ever and I need to explain it all to him. Let’s go Bucs!
Apr 5th
11 notes
2 tags
Apr 5th
7 notes
Apr 4th
2,042 notes
2 tags
TT #2
Sometimes, when I can’t figure out where something belongs, I just leave it in the dishwasher to get cleaned again. Rather than put it away in the wrong place.
Apr 4th
14 notes
5 tags
TT - Baby Making
Warning: possible TMI. My wife and I bought a puppy when we first moved into our house. Because that’s how it works, right? Marriage, house, dog, kids. Anyway, for a while, that dog was our only “child.” We took her along with us to our friend’s lake cabin during the summer. One weekend, she got stuck on the side of a very steep hill. In the middle of poison ivy. Where...
Apr 3rd
22 notes
3 tags
Robbed Twice in Six Weeks
My credit card number was stolen about six weeks ago. I was out of town at the time and didn’t notice. They racked up about $5k in charges over 10 days. Mostly at Ross, Walgreens, fast food restaurants, and beauty supply stores. The credit card company was gracious and removed the charges. It was a mild hassle to contact my auto-pay vendors with an updated number. Last Friday, I received...
Apr 3rd
18 notes
3 tags
Drivers with Baseball Caps
My mother has this theory that people who wear baseball caps while they drive are usually dangerous drivers. She taught me to drive defensively around them. It’s an interesting theory. A little ageist and a little sexist perhaps, but the young men who drive with baseball caps usually ARE aggressive or distracted drivers, for whatever reason. I think it’s good advice.
Apr 3rd
9 notes
1 tag
What Happens When You Respond to a Nigerian Money... →
Have you ever wondered what would happen? This guy did. He ended up jerking their chains for about a month. I don’t have time for that, but it was funny to read about. It would be fun to toy with them.
Apr 2nd
4 notes