March 2012
45 posts
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I have never...
I did this meme last year. I can’t remember exactly what I wrote, but I’m pretty sure I included two things that I have now done: I have now been to NYC and I have finally met people from the internet. Thank you Snark!
Honestly, it’s either a good sign or a failure of my imagination that I can more easily remember interesting things that I have done than I haven’t.
Here...
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Making Sambuca my bitch.
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Transubstantiation
Imagine how different church would be if they had served chips and margaritas at the Last Supper instead of bread and wine. Or vodka gummy bears, I suppose.
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Mr Binks
One of my cats has been missing for a couple nights now. He had never spent a night out of the house before. I think it’s normal for cats to take off for a little while, but he’s essentially an indoor cat.
I’m starting to worry. I’m starting to worry for his safety. I’m also starting to worry that I’m not worried enough. I’m frankly overwhelmed by our 3...
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Wrong Way
Gender stereotypes are awful, but even more so when they’re true. For example, my wife is HORRIBLE at directions.
I usually drive when we’re together, even when we take her car. And she is my co-pilot, particularly when we go someplace new.
But she CANNOT figure out which direction we are headed, and whether I should turn left or right. It doesn’t matter if she has a map...
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SST
I microwaved a Lean Cuisine for lunch today. I didn’t wait four minutes for the meal to cool, as instructed by the manufacturer. I burned my lip.
It’s very annoying but only slightly painful. I keep kicking my lip to soothe the pain. The skin has started to peel. I suspect it will come off later today.
I like to think that, even though it doesn’t feel sexy, all my lip licking...
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Business Meetings
The meetings where I most desperately want to check Tumblr are the meetings where I can least afford to let anyone see my dash.
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Marriage Meme
When I was in college, I had a summer job at an engineering company. The engineers would sometimes take me out for beers. One of them told me that marriage is a matter of timing. When you’re ready to settle down, you marry the girl you’re with. It doesn’t mean she’s any better suited for you than your other girlfriends. It’s timing. It’s a little like musical...
Opinions are like orgasms
people are only interested in their own.
you like someone a lot more when you share them.
I mostly keep mine to myself..
people that don’t have any tend to be uninteresting.
people who take too long to reach one can be frustrating.
you shouldn’t reach them too fast.
people like to post theirs on the Internet.
you build up a lot of them while you’re young, and then they...
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Awesome
I like the word as much anyone. I really do. But I get the feeling that it’s overused.
I think people will look back on it as quaint slang inextricably tied to this decade. Similar to how we view swell, neat-o, groovy, far out, and radical as slang from the 50s through 80s.
So I’m trying to use it less often.
Walking Dead
I understand many of you have been disappointed in this season. I understand why. It’s switched gears a couple times. But I have to disagree. Even if some characters are one dimensional and/or annoying, I like the blend of action, tension, and plot twists.
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Drunken Regrets
Whenever I drink too much alcohol, I nearly always do something I regret later. Specifically, I eat peanut butter right out of the jar.
I don’t know how many times I’ve woken up and thought, “Damn, I can’t believe I drank so much last night,” followed by, “And I can’t believe I ate three spoonfuls of peanut butter!”
Apparently, sobriety is the...
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“The inability to recognize sarcasm is extremely useful in keeping a happy...”
– Me
I need to get my haircut more often
Because scalp massages are the closest thing I get to having sex right now.
Oh, and maybe I’ll start giving strangers hugs instead of handshakes. Or is that too creepy?
I’m okay, and my family just got home.
I’m still disturbed by the faucet that turned itself on.
Also, I can’t believe I posted a story on tumblr while I was under duress and fresh out of the shower. I always thought naked tumbling would be sexier than that.
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Um, hello?!
Okay, so I’m all alone in the house this afternoon doing chores: laundry, dishes, vacuuming, etc.
It’s early afternoon, so I decided to take a shower. But when I get out of the shower, the faucet is turned on full blast.
You have to *lift* the faucet to turn it on, so this is not a case of gravity getting the best of an old faucet.
I figured my kids were playing a trick on me. I...
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Sumtimes
It feels like if I took the time to add up all the time I spend on Twitter, Tumblr, Kik, YouTube, Draw Something, etc., I would have no time left.
Just kidding. I’m offline way more than I’m online. But it does feel like a lot. Sometimes.
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Mute your phones, please
It’s difficult to look someone in the eye after you’ve heard him use his phone to take pictures in the restroom stalls.
It’s even more awkward when it’s at the office and you need to work with him later.
Come on, guys. Mute your phone ahead of time and spare us all the embarrassment.
Super Morrissey Bros.
nickadoola:
This seems to be making the rounds today. I found it mildly amusing.
http://soundcloud.com/lazyitis-1/super-morrissey-bros
ARB - it’s not just Smiths and 8-bit, it’s the name of my tumblr!
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Bullets from this weekend
I wasn’t online much this weekend because my mother- and father-in-law were in town and, when I wasn’t hanging out with them, I was busy gardening and fixing up the house. Here are some of my thoughts on that:
I wouldn’t say that I enjoy gardening, but it was really nice to spend hours alone with my thoughts. I also enjoyed working with my hands and listening to my music while I...
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So I was starting to feel a little bold on Draw Something and tried my first celebrity drawing. In this case, Tyra.
Holy shit! What a mistake! I was having trouble getting the large forehead, model features, and hair quite right. I ran out of space and had to start over. I was interrupted by my BOSS! Not good!
Anyway, sincere apologies to kaiakaiakaia if you actually saw that. I’m not...
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Give and Take
Occasionally, we may love someone so much, we are willing to give them everything.
And it hurts when they don’t want it. It hurts a lot.
But isn’t it much worse when they take it and give little or nothing in return?
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Breakfast Tacos are the Best
Breakfast Tacos > Breakfast Sandwiches > Breakfast Burritos > Breakfast > Breakfast Pizza
Kindly leave, breakfast pizza. You’ve taken breakfast and pizza and made them both worse.
My four year-old can count to 100. Which is more than I can say for most of the people in the 10 items or less aisle today.
Monday Morning
Will be my first physical exam in over 20 years. I’m not quite 40 yet, so I don’t know if I should prepare for a prostate exam or not. It can’t hurt to be prepared, right? But then should I use scented or unscented soap to clean my ass? I’m definitely not going to manscape for it, because that would be awkward.
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Emotionally Challenged
I mentioned earlier this week that I’ve been trying to clear my head and refresh my thinking, both professionally and personally.
For example, I bought a copy of Emotional Intelligence 2.0 at the airport. It promises to help me become more aware of emotions within myself and others and to manage those emotions more productively.
For a long time, I was relatively empathic and sensitive to...
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