If your name is Sarah, Liz or Jenny, then I automatically like you more based on my previous experience with those names.
I think the cashier at Sephora tried to make fun...
When she said, “Oh. You’re paying cash. I don’t see many people paying cash anymore.” Opening the door to many possible snarky responses. I kept my mouth shut though. And ultimately the joke was on her. When she struggled for over a minute to count $2.68 in change.
First World Problem
I wish there were a way to delete drunken texts, KiKs and private messages. Why are only the public messages deletable?
My first video, in which I discuss important matters of pronunciation.
Pie Eating Contest
Aussie pies are meat pies. They’re like a chicken pot pie except with beef. I had a southwest veggie pie, though, since I’m a vegetarian. I was a little nervous. The record after 6 years was 28 seconds, and the winner of the first heat finished in 26 seconds. My strategy was four bites in five seconds each. It worked! After about 15 seconds, I had swallowed 3 out of 4 bites. The TV...
Drinking Coopers Ale and enjoying an Aussie pie at a local Australia Day celebration. Coopers is the regional beer from my birthplace in Australia. The kids are having fun in the bouncy castle. I’m entering a pie eating contest later. It’s a good time.
This post is a bit of a rant, so feel free to skip, read, judge, sympathize, whatever. One of my favorite things about growing up at home was dinner at the table. Even when my father was working 100 hours a week, we still managed to sit down at the table at roughly the same time each night. We has a relaxed dinner with lots of conversation. During the summer, we would also sit at the table...
So am I the only one who holds my coffee mug directly underneath the drip coffee filter because I’m too impatient for the pot to fill? I seriously doubt it. But it seems that way.
Boom Shaka Laka
Boom Shaka Laka
It's not a rough week anymore!
Me: (pouring some wine)
Daughter: Can I take that up to mama?
Me: Just a second. Let me give her some more. She's had a rough week. (pours a little more). Okay, now you can take it to mama.
Daughter: (grinning) It's not going to be a rough week anymore!
The origin of my name is briefly explained in my Twitter bio, but here’s the full story. I had a Twitter account and started following some interesting people who made silly and dirty jokes. After awhile, I thought to myself, “Hey that look’s like fun. I want to do that too.” My wife often doesn’t share my sense of humor. Whenever I tell silly or dirty jokes, she...
I love the fact that my kids think it’s completely normal when I beatbox in the car or around the house. I just wish they’d join in sometime.
եթե կարող եք կարդալ այս, ես սիրում եմ քեզ շատ. քանի որ դուք Ժամանակ թարգմանել այն. Կամ պարզապես կարդալ հայերեն. Թեեւ գուցե Ես սիրում եմ քեզ ամեն դեպքում.Եթե Դուք են հայերեն աղջկան Ես գիտեի է քոլեջ.
TW: RAPE IS MORE COMMON THAN SMOKING IN THE U.S. →
ilikerhinestones: socialistexan: jewelweed: msamberhazard: catamite: I want to graffiti that headline EVERYWHERE. Sooooo money goes towards preventing and legislating against smoking but not rape prevention… I mean, how much fucking money goes into those worthless ads about quitting smoking? How much of that could go towards sexual education? A woman is more likely to be raped than...
I’m so glad Tumblr lets us fix typos where Twitter does not. It feels like such a luxury.
I don’t have any particular New Year resolutions, but I do want to do a better job of not letting self-justified procrastination or perfectionism get in my way. For example, “I’ll start working out once I’m on top of things at work again.” That never happens. And they don’t care if I die an early death because I worked too much. I need to start working out...
How to Sneak into Museums for Free →
How to sneak into museums, complete with user-submitted, hand-drawn maps and pointers. I appreciate the concept of this site. I enjoy reading the maps as another form of art in itself. I don’t actually condone sneaking into these museums. The people that work there love art themselves and need to make a living.
Awkward Conversations with Customer Service...
CSR: May I have your account number please?
Me: Sure. It's P13500.
CSR: Is that P as in Paul or P as in Peter?
Me: ... (wondering if this is a lame joke and whether I should laugh politely) ...
Me: It's P as in Peter.
CSR: Okay. Thanks.
Locked and Loaded
I just booked my flight to Snark NYC. I’ll sort out the hotel tomorrow. I’m really excited to meet y’all. Let me know if you’ll be there and if you want to meet up on Thursday or Friday. I assume there will be other gatherings before Snark.
Actually, men do have some insight into labor pains. The nerve endings that register pain during contractions are the same nerve endings that register pain when a man is kicked in the groin. When we are developing in the womb, the nerve endings get deployed differently for each gender. While it’s hard to describe, I think every man can recall that type of pain very clearly. That...
If YouTube made Office productivity software
You would have to view a stupid fifteen second ad whenever you opened a document or spreadsheet. But you could leave snarky comments on all the files your coworkers send to you.
How the fuck do so few people in Iowa have so much power over who gets nominated? 100 people make the difference between Santorum and Romney?
Why did the ostrich cut himself?
Because he was emu.
You know the recorded nature sounds that people use to relax? Wind, rain, waves, waterfalls, etc? They totally need to make a version of Darth Vader breathing. Not talking. Just 60 minutes of Darth Vader mouth-breathing. Slowly.
There were only two shows I really got into last year: The Walking Dead and Downton Abbey. I’ve been enjoying the second season of The Walking Dead. I’m excited for the second season of Downton Abbey, starting this weekend. If you’re not familiar with it, you can still catch up with the first season on Netflix Instant. It’s a PBS Masterpiece show about an English...