Hypotheses I will never test
#1: My shit tastes like Skittles.
I don’t know how much more I can take. I just walked out of the house. I came to work to distract myself and to feel productive. But I don’t really want to be here either.
After midnight is like a great big slumber party.
Breakfast with Santa
My kids had breakfast with Santa at their daycare last weekend. I wasn’t able to go, but I understand they had fun. On Monday, the owner of the daycare called me to his office. He gave me a shoebox. There were a couple dolls inside. Apparently, my daughter had given it to Santa. She was the only child in the school to give him a present. She says that he is so generous with presents and...
My son likes to embarrass me in public. In our most recent episode, I was buying some dog food with him in the fancy pet store. He starts yelling, “Daddy! Look!” and runs over to a display. I start following him to see what the fuss is about. “Hey! Look! Isn’t that a cute guinea pig?” I don’t necessarily care for guinea pigs. But he was excited, and I...
I love gazing at the full moon. It’s beautiful. I swear some nights it lights up my yard as bright as daylight. Those are the nights I want to invite friends over to party under the moon until dawn. I wish I could conceive a child under the full moon. It’s one of the few constants through space and time. It’s the same moon I gazed at as a child, a long time ago and a long...
Buzz Lightyear wanted a Lexus for Christmas
But when he opened the garage, he saw two Infiniti and he yawned.
Checking the mailbox this morning, I went out of my way to walk on the grass instead of the pavement. To hear the crunch of the frost beneath my feet. I love that noise.
Where are you from?
I’m often unsure how to answer this innocuous question, and it makes me feel socially awkward. It’s not a straight-forward question. I need to determine the context and intent of the person asking the question correctly. There are a few ways to interpret and answer it: Where do you live now? This is the most likely meaning. Certainly from people that have just met me. But I also think it is...
The good old days
When my mom was in nursing school, she had a code with my grandfather. She normally caught the bus home. But if she couldn’t, she would call and hang up after the third ring. That was the signal to pick her up. Because at that time: Households only had one car. There were no cell phones. The phone company charged for every call you answered. There were no free minutes. It was safe to...
Elf on the Shelf
It’s great how well my kids respond to Elfie, our elf on the shelf. For example, my daughter does a much better job of: Getting ready for school on time Cleaning the house and doing her chores Not fighting with her brother (or at least fighting less often) Going to bed on time It’s great not fighting with her as often on these points. The only frustrating part is why she...
Looking for some new Tumblrs to follow?
nprfreshair: Here’s a good list, compiled by our followers. (Please note: no user-names-that-look-like-this spammers answered this question. Gee, I wonder why.) Reblogging this so I can read through it and investigate later.
I don’t know what happened or how my account got hacked, but I’m changing my password just to be safe.