I have this weather app called “swackett” for the Mac and the iPhone. It’s pretty cool. It gives the physical temperature, “feels like” temperature, fun facts, hour-by-hour and day-by-day forecasts. It also has these fun swackett people that it dresses in different outfits according to the weather. My kids love this part. We’ll say, “what are we supposed to wear today,” they have fun checking out the outfit, and then they don’t fight with me over weather-appropriate attire. The creepy part is the child abduction warnings. I think it’s great that they broadcast them. I hope it helps. But it’s one of those things you don’t really want to think about. They make me sad. They wake me up in the middle of the night. It’s a shitty thing to be woken up for. Like, what can I do about it at 3am?
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I have this weather app called “swackett” for the Mac and the iPhone. It’s pretty cool.

It gives the physical temperature, “feels like” temperature, fun facts, hour-by-hour and day-by-day forecasts.

It also has these fun swackett people that it dresses in different outfits according to the weather. My kids love this part. We’ll say, “what are we supposed to wear today,” they have fun checking out the outfit, and then they don’t fight with me over weather-appropriate attire.

The creepy part is the child abduction warnings. I think it’s great that they broadcast them. I hope it helps.

But it’s one of those things you don’t really want to think about. They make me sad. They wake me up in the middle of the night. It’s a shitty thing to be woken up for. Like, what can I do about it at 3am?

thedailywhat: To Each His Own of the Day: Wesley Warren, Jr., the Las Vegas man who suffers from a rare condition that has caused his scrotum to swell to 100 pounds, has refused a free $1 million corrective surgery from Dr. Oz, all because he wants to retain the rights to his story. Apparently, the celebrity he receives for his condition outweighs his physical discomfort — and the fact that he has to enclose his giant scrotum in a hooded sweatshirt when out in public. [death+taxes]
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thedailywhat:

To Each His Own of the Day: Wesley Warren, Jr., the Las Vegas man who suffers from a rare condition that has caused his scrotum to swell to 100 pounds, has refused a free $1 million corrective surgery from Dr. Oz, all because he wants to retain the rights to his story.

Apparently, the celebrity he receives for his condition outweighs his physical discomfort — and the fact that he has to enclose his giant scrotum in a hooded sweatshirt when out in public.

[death+taxes]

Odd snacks

Sometimes, when I want a snack but I don’t want a ton of calories that I’ll regret later, I just have a small taste of something with a strong flavor.

For example, a small piece of blue cheese or a Kalamata olive. Maybe a few spoons of salsa or hot sauce.

My latest “snack” is very strange, even to me. I squirt some Sriracha sauce into my mouth (right out of the bottle) followed by some Hershey’s chocolate syrup. It’s pretty good, actually, and then I don’t feel the need to eat anything for awhile.

Fried Chicken

This one time in college, I was eating fried chicken in the cafeteria when something poked my nose.

It was a chicken feather! There were a half-dozen feathers still on the chicken, which had been battered, fried, frozen, reheated…who knows? It disturbed me. It showed a terrible lack of quality control.

I thought I should report it. It seemed like the people in charge of the cafeteria should know. I don’t know what I expected in return: sympathy, indignation, or maybe contrition?

No. The manager in charge just laughed and laughed. “Oh, yeah! The company that supplies the chicken is HORRIBLE!” she said. “Hahaha! They suck. Just throw it out.”

This disturbed me even more. I was looking for a different reaction. This showed not only a lack of quality control, but a lack of caring as well.

You know what, though? There are many days at work when I completely understand why she reacted that way.

My wife had an interesting thing happen today at work. It’s funny, but unfunny at the same time.

They had to evacuate and seal off the ladies room before 5pm. She noticed a crew steam-cleaning the carpet nearby. She thought that was weird because that stuff usually happens after hours. So it was strange, but not as strange as the reason why.

Someone in the office had explosive diarrhea. And it was so bad, she didn’t make it to the ladies room in time. It seriously stained the carpet.

That’s not a funny thing to the poor woman, but the situation is extremely awkward and, if it weren’t true, would be very funny. Wouldn’t it?

Like, how do you get the courage to show up at work the next day? If I were on the bubble about that place, I think I would just turn in my notice and turn it into a really cool quit-my-job story.

Anyway, my wife *really* had to pee after work because all the ladies were shut out for the rest of the day.

Tooth Fairy

One of the nice things about my mom’s visit was listening to stories about me as a kid. I think that being around my kids has jogged a lot of memories for her.

For example, what does the tooth fairy do with all the teeth she collects?

Apparently, I had this all figured out as a kid. She asked me now and I said, “I dunno, grind them up into cakes?”

When I was little, I told everyone how she took the teeth and made them into dentures for all the old fairies.

I like that version better.

Yeah, I know I’m late for Mugshot Monday, but this coffee is so exceptionally foul that I needed to complain about it on the Internet right away. If you’ve even made s’mores and completely burned a marshmallow, then you know what it tastes like: the charred outer skin of a marshmallow. So gross. I’ve never tasted anything like it. Perhaps I should dissolve a chocolate bar in it? Also, it is no fault of the Blue Bonnet Cafe, where I bought my cup. They’re awesome. It’s the boneheads who don’t know how to brew coffee in the breakroom.
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Yeah, I know I’m late for Mugshot Monday, but this coffee is so exceptionally foul that I needed to complain about it on the Internet right away.

If you’ve even made s’mores and completely burned a marshmallow, then you know what it tastes like: the charred outer skin of a marshmallow. So gross. I’ve never tasted anything like it. Perhaps I should dissolve a chocolate bar in it?

Also, it is no fault of the Blue Bonnet Cafe, where I bought my cup. They’re awesome. It’s the boneheads who don’t know how to brew coffee in the breakroom.

She’s Okay

My wife’s okay. I want to respect her privacy and not give too many details. They’ve ruled out any major problems. But many hours of sharp chest pain can’t be a good thing. Very strange.

Thank you for your kind words and thoughts.

The kids handled it pretty well, but also acted out a bit. I picked up them up from school and took them to the Chick-Fil-A near the hospital until she was discharged, because I don’t think it’s a good idea to keep them in the ER waiting room. My son kicked a little girl in the playscape there. I think he was acting out. No excuse. I made him apologize and we left there immediately. Fortunately that was when my wife was discharged. Otherwise things are back to normal now.

Hey Guys!

Sorry I’ve been away for awhile. I spent a lot of time with my mom while she visited me. Now that she’s flown back to Australia, I should be on Tumblr more.

Except for this breaking news…

I am currently in the ER waiting room, where my wife had been admitted for chest pains. We think she may be having a stroke? I don’t know. It doesn’t make sense. She’s feeling better though. Hopefully we’ll know soon.

Here’s a picture from Tuesday night’s Dandy Warhols show. I was about three-people deep from the stage. It was a great show. They currently have a more stripped down sound than their highly-produced Capitol years. There were a few songs where my rib cage was actually vibrating in resonance with the bass. I’m secure enough in my sexuality to say that Courtney is a very sexy lead singer. If you like skinny hipster-rocker types in skinny jeans, that is. He has a great confidence about him. Of course, Zia was completely adorable, especially during her drum machine solos and energetic dance routines. She looks very hot for a mom in her mid-thirties. They were very much like they were in the documentary movie “Dig!” if you’ve seen that. I hope you have. It’s hard to believe the band is 18 years old. Also, there were a couple girls dancing seductively with each other in front of me the whole show. I found it off-putting that they had “under 21” bracelets on. I may be aging, but I’m not a creepy middle-aged guy. The entire club was jumping up and down when they sang “Bohemian Like Me” and that was worth the price of admission. They have an Austin connection and played a couple Texas and Austin inspired songs that they don’t normally play. Hillbilly, Texas swing influence. Very cool.
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Here’s a picture from Tuesday night’s Dandy Warhols show. I was about three-people deep from the stage.

It was a great show. They currently have a more stripped down sound than their highly-produced Capitol years. There were a few songs where my rib cage was actually vibrating in resonance with the bass.

I’m secure enough in my sexuality to say that Courtney is a very sexy lead singer. If you like skinny hipster-rocker types in skinny jeans, that is. He has a great confidence about him.

Of course, Zia was completely adorable, especially during her drum machine solos and energetic dance routines. She looks very hot for a mom in her mid-thirties.

They were very much like they were in the documentary movie “Dig!” if you’ve seen that. I hope you have.

It’s hard to believe the band is 18 years old.

Also, there were a couple girls dancing seductively with each other in front of me the whole show. I found it off-putting that they had “under 21” bracelets on. I may be aging, but I’m not a creepy middle-aged guy.

The entire club was jumping up and down when they sang “Bohemian Like Me” and that was worth the price of admission.

They have an Austin connection and played a couple Texas and Austin inspired songs that they don’t normally play. Hillbilly, Texas swing influence. Very cool.